cmp jokes

The 8 types of Supporters:

The Eager Beaver: "Sure, I can write an emulation program by this afternoon ... one of those new boxes? I'd sure like to get my fingers into one. I think I know where there's one just down the hall ...

"The Know-it-All: "Well, I could tell you how to do that ... but I think I could recommend a better approach ...

"The New Kid: "Do you have a dog? ... My name? I'll have to get back to you on that.

"The Psycho: "READ MY LIPS, YOU BOZO! Are you STUPID or something?! YOU CAN'T DO THAT!

"The Counselor: "Oh my. Oh dear. Uh huh ... yes ... and then what happened? ... yes, I have plenty of time ... oh, no, no problem, that's my job ...

"The Intimidator: "Why did you do THAT?! Haven't you had any TRAINING?! Don't you know Section 5.1.2.1.1 of the IEEE spec?!

"The Veteran: "Oh! That's there for backward compatibility. They added it in rev 2.00.03 but they didn't document it."The Crispy Critter: "I don't know. I don't care. Your problem, that says it all, I have my own to take care of. Why are you using this product, anyway?"



Computers are Like Men...
In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they are the problem.
They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
As soon as you commit to one, you realize that, if you had waited a little longer you could have had a better model.
They hear what you say, but not what you mean.

Computers are Like Women...
No one but the Creator understands their internal logic.
The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.
As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
You do the same thing for years, and suddenly it's wrong.


Top Explanations by Programmers
Strange...
I've never heard about that.
It did work yesterday.
How is this possible?
The machine seems to have a malfunction.
Has the operating system been updated?
The user has made an error again.
There is something wrong in your data.
I have not touched that module!
You must have the wrong executable.
Oh, it's just a feature.
Of course, I just have to do these small fixes.
It will be done in no time at all.
It's just some unlucky coincidense.
I can't test everything!
THIS can't do THAT.
Didn't I fix it already?
It's already there, but it has not been tested.
Somebody must have changed my code.
There must be a virus in the application software.
This time it will surely run.
I just found the last bug. Bug?
That's not a bug, that's a feature.
According to my calculations the problem doesn't exist.


Things You Don't Want to Hear Your System Administrator Saying:
NO! Not that button!
Do you smell something?
I have never seen it do that before...
Ooops. Save your work, everyone. FAST!
What do you mean you needed that directory?
Where did you say those backup tapes were kept?
The drive ate the tape but that's OK, I brought my screwdriver.
I cleaned up the root partition and now there's lots of free space